How to never dim your light again for the comfort of others!
Have you ever felt like you have had to hold yourself back in one way or another so that you do not make someone or a situation uncomfortable? So that you can protect someone else’s ego or avoid being “difficult”? Have you ever felt you had to tone yourself down, or your success or achievements so that other people do not feel bad about themselves? Did you have to dim your light so that you do not seemingly outshine others?
I think as women we are conditioned to do that even more so than men. First, because we have been silenced for so long by the male-driven world, we still live in. Secondly because of our upbringing. Women are often conditioned from a young age, to be the nurtures, to take into account others’ emotions and take care of other people, and to humble ourselves for the sake of others.
Of course, this is not all bad! It is not a bad quality to be aware of other people and stay tuned to their emotions. In a way that is one of our hidden powers as women.
But at the same time, we need to find a balance, because we should never feel like we have to DIM OURSELVES just to make other people more comfortable. We should learn to be comfortable with celebrating our successes, our good fortune, and our achievements! In many cases it is not us that need to change – it is the world around us.
Others should learn to view our success not as us outshining them, not as competition, but rather as a source of inspiration.
We, on the other hand, can use our light to help others find the on switch in their life! And therefore, it is even more imperative that we never feel like we should be dimming our light for the sake of others. Because we can all benefit from it!
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How to never dim your light again (especially for other people)!
Know your worth.
Knowing your worth and understanding the value you bring to the world is crucial because it sets the foundation for everything.
If your sense of worth is flaky, you are far more likely to let others influence how you show up in the world.
When your self-worth is not solid, well-defined, and in place, people will have access to that self-worth. They are far more likely to influence how you show up in the world.
Seek internal validation rather than external validation and work on that self-esteem!
Everyone is unique and brings their own set of traits and positives into the world. You do too and there is undoubtedly plenty for you to be proud of and to celebrate.
Write down all your best traits, characteristics, and the times you overcame difficulties or showed kindness. Think of all the amazing people you have in your life that are a reflection of the wonderful person you are. What would they say about you?
Doing this might feel uneasy at first but this is such a wonderful exercise for your self-confidence – it allows you to objectively assess YOUR POWER!
Be aware of the energy you project.
Ok, I know the idea of energy to some seems a bit woohoo, especially for any scientific minds who may find it a bit too gimmicky, but just hear me out.
I think what we really refer to as “ENERGY” is those very subtle cues we pick up about subconsciously about another person’s internal state, that manifests itself in the person’s body language, voice, and facial expression.
You probably know from your own experience how these 3 things change depending on what you are feeling. The shaky hands when you are nervous, the cracking voice when you are upset, the frown when you are angry, the lack of eye contact when you are scared or lying.
Just as people pick up on these cues subconsciously to make decisions or assumptions about you, you also subconsciously project those into the world.
This is where you can take back control!
You can take back some of that control, by being more aware of how you show up in the world.
When you experience heightened emotion try to stay mindful of your voice and body language and facial expression. Even if you are more scared than you’ve ever been before, even if you have never felt less confident, even if you feel you might crumble inside – stay in control of your emotions.
If you master your emotions, no one will ever be able to master you.
No one will be able to dim that light.
Know that others’ judgment is not about you.
If you ever find people judging you, it is rare that it is truly about you. Yes, occasionally we will bug people for no apparent reason. You just don’t operate on the same wavelengths and that ok. Sometimes we just don’t get along with others.
But when that is accompanied by snarky remarks, exclusions, or making you feel bad about yourself, it’s probably because you have triggered some sort of insecurity within that person. In a way, their judgment is a mirror of the very thing that they feel insecure about.
Their judgment is an attempt to dim that light, for precisely the reason of not allowing you to outshine them.
Remembering this next time, you find yourself in this situation can help you keep your head held high and your light shining bright!
Others’ insecurities are not your responsibility.
Yes, it is nice to be aware of other people and how your words and actions might be affecting them. Self-awareness is not a bad thing. But you should never ever feel that you need to show up in the world as smaller than you are just so others are not made uncomfortable.
Other people’s insecurities are not your responsibility, and you should never feel like you have to apologies for celebrating your achievements or the good things in your life. You should never feel like you can’t be the way you want to be or show up the way you want to show up just because someone might be uncomfortable or feel like you outshine them.
People who care about you and have the best intentions for you will never expect that of you – they will be there for you at the best and happiest time of your life, cheering with you.
Everyone has their moment to shine, and everyone’s turn will come! But we can’t all do it at the same time. So, allow yourself to enjoy the moment when your turn comes.
Get super clear on your goals.
Unfortunately, there are toxic people out there. Again, they fall deep into the category of those with fragile egos, competitive nature, highly insecure, power-hungry, and need to best at everything types. The ones that cannot stomach the idea of someone doing a little better than them.
They would rather bring you down to their level so you cannot outshine them than ever make the effort to level up to you. Because deep down they know they might not be able to.
These people are the energy vampires, the ones that will seemingly be trying to sabotage your progress and success. This is why getting crystal clear on your goals is the best weapon.
When you gain clarity on your goals you can start to shape the path that you will take. It means you know where you are and where you are going and most importantly how you will get there.
With this kind of clarity, you are far less likely to let anyone lead you astray and you can reach your goals with ease.
Make your vision brighter than anything else in the room.
Have a vision for your life and what you want every area of your life to look like.
Use Canva Pro to make a vision board if it helps you get super specific and bring those visions to life.
Having a clear vision will give you the power you need to go after what it is that you want, whatever it takes.
When you have that vision for your life and you can see it, you will experience what it would feel like if you got it.
And this will give you all the momentum to go get it. Without anyone stepping in your track.
So, make your vision brighter than anything else in the room.
Download your free Canva Pro VISION BOARD TEMPLATE.
Know what you need from relationships.
Here, we are talking about every relationship you have in your life, not just a romantic one.
But having a set of values can massively help you filter out the good apples and the bad.
This is vital because the people in your life will influence you!
Your group of friends will shape who you are, your goals, your ambitions, your progress, where you end up in life, and even your finances. So, make sure you surround yourself with the people who inspire you to the life you want.
Having clear wants and needs set out when it comes to romantic partners will help you identify the right partner for you. Knowing how you want to be treated will help you quickly identify the people who do not match the right description and say “hell no – goodbye” if needed.
Knowing what you want from relationships will allow you to avoid toxicity. No one will be able to take advantage of you or dim that light of yours.
Set boundaries where necessary.
Be willing to walk away [unapologetically so may I add], from anything which is not serving you! Or communicate your needs, communicate your boundaries and call people out on their BS.
Learning to set boundaries when you feel that lines were crossed, will allow people insight into a roadmap of how you want to be treated.
If you want respect, whenever you are disrespected or undermined communicating will prevent others from disrespecting you again. If it does not work, you walk away from that person or situation and there is no misunderstanding as to why for anyone involved. That is the power of boundaries.
I have a whole post with seriously amazing actionable tips on why boundaries are important and how to set them at ease. I really recommend you check it out.
Surround yourself with people who light you up.
I am sure you can think of examples where you left an interaction feeling emotionally drained. Just as I can guarantee you know what it feels like leaving a positive interaction, the one where you feel lifted and happier and more motivated.
The latter is your tribe!
These are the people who will light you up and bring out the best in you. They are the ones that you want to have an abundance of in your life.
Never fear rejection – it’s a sign it’s not meant for you.
Rejection or failure is always a bitter pill to swallow. I don’t know anybody who can get through rejection or failure with ease. It taps into the deepest sense of self, ego, our self-esteem. Everything we thought we knew about ourselves crumbles.
It is horrible and even those of us who have had plenty of failures know that it can in fact be an amazing self-growth opportunity. Even those of us who know that sometimes it turns out for the better and always turns out ok. It still hurts!
When going through rejection or failure or any disappointment in life when things don’t pan out as you had hoped you might not want to hear it or see it that way. But don’t fear rejection, because deep down it is your confirmation that that thing is not meant for you or not meant for you RIGHT NOW!
One day you will look back and find peace in knowing that it was all meant to be exactly as it was!
Use the naysayers to fuel your light.
Become that super stubborn Boss Babe! Put on an attitude just for them!
These naysayers think they can influence your life, your happiness, your decisions – HELL NO!
Use their critique, pessimism, judgment, or whatever else to add fuel to YOU, your dream, and your goals.
Take that negative energy they leave you with and turn it into momentum to push forward.
And outshine them along the way so much it leaves them blind.
Don’t be afraid to take up room.
You are valuable and you bring value.
So don’t be afraid to take up the space you deserve!
Share your opinion and speak up when it feels right for you.
Never allow yourself to be intimidated into keeping quiet, playing it safe, or avoiding being heard.
Your opinions, your views, and your voice matter.
Don’t hold back your truth.
Get comfortable showing up authentically.
When you hold back the truth you are doing a massive disservice to yourself. In essence, you are betraying a small or big part of yourself. Over time this will add up and chip away at what makes you – YOU.
Also, if another person is involved you are doing a disservice to them too. You may feel like you are holding back the truth that will protect them from feeling hurt, but you are just hurting them long-term.
Being true to yourself has many many benefits and hopefully, they will convince you of how you will benefit from being truthful to yourself and never feel like you’ve dimmed your light again:
- Freedom: you release any emotions and energy when you share your truth.
- Authenticity: you’re living life according to who you are will grow your self-esteem and self-trust.
- Reality: you can deal with the reality of the situation and as a result get closer to the person you have been truthful with.
- Less pain: you avoid creating pain inside yourself by holding back your true feelings.
- Integrity: people will trust you more and you’ll trust yourself more.
- Clarity: people know where they stand with you and will not try to cross your boundaries or dim your light.
Make time for your passions and dreams.
Being passionate and pursuing your passion gives you a certain GLOW!
It is a glow of being truly content and doing something you truly love and that can quickly translate to other areas of your life, from work to relationships. When you work on your passions you gain confidence and happiness as you live your purpose. You’ll have more energy and joy to share with the world around you.
When you pursue your passion, your dreams also start coming into reality.
In that kind of mindset, you become unstoppable, and nothing can dim that glow!
Let go of anything which is not serving you.
Be willing to unapologetically let go of anything which is not serving you!
Protecting your energy and inner peace is so freaking important. When you surround yourself with people and put yourself in situations that disrupt that inner peace, that makes you feel low or does not fill you up with energy then that is your cue to get out.
Whenever anything makes you feel drained, listen to that because if you do not over time you will slowly start losing that inner light.
No one and nothing is worth that. Protecting yourself from anything that is an energy vampire in your life will mean you have the right kind of energy about you to truly attract what is meant for you!
On a Final Note.
Nothing and no one should ever dim your light. If anything is affecting your mood or energy in a negative way, then that is a sign it is not right for you.
Avoid anything which does not match your energy to avoid losing small pieces of yourself over time.
Hopefully, you found some positive value in this post, and it has given you the practical tool on how never to dim your light again, especially to accommodate other people.
To summarize here are the top tips:
- Know your worth.
- Be aware of the energy you project.
- Know that others’ judgment is not about you!
- Other insecurities are not your responsibility.
- Get super clear on your goals.
- Make your vision brighter than anything else in the room.
- Know what you need from relationships.
- Set boundaries where necessary.
- Surround yourself with people who light you up.
- Never fear rejection – it’s a sign it’s not meant for you.
- Use the naysayers to fuel your light.
- Don’t be afraid to take up room.
- Don’t hold back your truth.
- Make time for your passions and dreams.
- Let go of anything which is not serving you.