I am sure you know a confident woman when you see her. She walks into a room and unapologetically takes up the space she deserves. There is that certain aura about her. She knows who she is, what she wants and does not settle for anything less than that. Men want her and women want to be her. She takes care of herself and always looks amazing. She talks with ease and can make everyone feel comfortable and good about themselves. She does not compare. She knows she is unique and has lots to offer and admires qualities in other women she does not have. She lifts others up because she knows if others feel great and do well, everyone can benefit.
Do you want to be that woman?
You can be her 100%
Confidence is a skill and like anything else, it can be learned. Because confidence is a mindset. It is just a matter of making those mindset shifts and introducing some new habits.
If you feel you are lacking some confidence, then you are not alone. Today’s world does not make it easy, especially for us women. There are so many pressures from every direction. That is why I wanted to create this guide for you. To let you know what makes a confident woman and give you some practical steps for how you can become her. Because at the very core of confidence is happiness and content with who you are and what you have in life.
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Why are you lacking self-confidence?
The world is so harsh to women. There are so many hidden pressures that the world has placed on women that you might have internalized. Even subconsciously, which makes it even scarier.
Before making any change, I think it is vital to do some inside work to try and figure out why you might be lacking in confidence. If you identify these things, you can easily target the very core of the problem and make a lasting change. So, ask yourself WHY and be 100% HONEST with yourself. You owe yourself that.
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17 Qualities of a Confident Woman!
Let’s dive in and see what are some qualities that make a woman confident. So you know what to strive for. You might even find you already have many of those qualities. But if not, we’ll get you there. Maybe you can grab a notepad and make a list of the qualities you already have and a list of all the qualities you would like to improve on.
#1 She has good energy
You are just drawn to her. She is happy and her positive energy is addictive. She makes you feel good about yourself, because why wouldn’t she. She is already content with herself and her place in the world. She knows that nothing and nobody can take that away from her. It gives her that room in her life to lift others up and help them feel great too.
#2 She never allows failures or mistakes to hold her back
Life can be bumpy and there are always tough times and difficult situations. Even a confident woman will make mistakes or fail or stumble. However, she takes this as a learning opportunity. She sees these tough moments and hurdles as a way to grow and improve. This way, she can do better next time.
#3 She knows what she wants
There is such power in knowing who you are and what you want in life. A confident woman is clear on her short-term and long-term goals. She knows the kind of partner she wants to complement her life, not complete her life. Her life is already complete. She knows when to say no. She has no trouble cutting out people from her life who do not serve her. She trusts herself and knows that every decision she makes is in line with her core values. She is a force to be reconned with.
#4 She is not afraid to be vulnerable
Vulnerability is strength. We are so afraid of it but you can only be vulnerable if you allow yourself to be 100% authentically yourself. A confident woman does not feel the need to be anything other than who she truly is. She does not need to put on masks or performances. She is self-aware and has looked deeply into her reflection and accepted the person in the mirror.
Being vulnerable with people is one of the most amazing ways to build strong and authentic relationships. It builds trust on both sides.
#5 She takes care of herself
Self-care is vital to being a confident woman. A confident woman will make self-care one of her top priorities. She knows that if she takes care of herself she will be able to give more to others and put out that positive energy into the world.
She will look after her health with a healthy and nutritious diet and regular exercise. She will invest in herself and wear clothes that make her feel good about herself. She will take some time out once a week to pamper herself and have some me-time.
#6 She does not depend on anyone
She is happy and content with life even when she is by herself. She is financially secure as much as she can be. Whenever she lets anyone into her life, it is not because she needs them but rather because she wants them there. She understands that no one will save her unless she saves herself. This allows her to always land on her feet, whenever challenges arise.
#7 She has no time for excuses
She takes responsibility for her decisions and actions whenever they are due. She is not afraid to get things wrong or be wrong and is willing to admit this to herself and others and take accountability. She does not let circumstances of life get in the way and knows that excuses will only hinder her. The only thing that can limit her is her and she does not allow that to happen.
#8 She has no time to complain
A confident woman understands that things do not always go as planned and she cannot control everything. However, even so, there is no problem without a solution. She raises to the challenge and puts all her energy into finding a suitable solution rather than spending energy complaining about a problem.
#9 She challenges herself continually
You can only grow and improve if you challenge yourself and a confident woman knows this. She does not wait for her life to crumble to reinvent her life or change it. Even if everything is fine, she welcomes new challenges to never stop growing. She continually sets new goals for herself and keeps herself on her toes. A confident woman knows that if she starts feeling too comfortable, she may not be living her life to the fullest.
#10 She takes care of finances
She is wise in spending and focuses on the things she needs. A confidant woman enjoys indulging sometimes, after all, she has worked hard and deserves to treat herself. However, every purchase is well thought through. She will not endlessly spend lots of money on trivial things. She understands that investing money is a form of self-care and she is patient enough to know that an investment will benefit her in the future. She lives within her means and does everything she can to ensure she never runs out of money.
#11 She never passes an opportunity to learn
A confident woman sees the value of learning and maximises every opportunity to learn something new. She makes time for learning in her schedule because she knows this can only benefit her in the future.
#12 She improves every aspect of life
This includes taking care of health, fitness, finances, family, relationship, kids, and friends. She also makes time for hobbies, activities that make her happy and complete. She knows that spending time with people she values will and doing things that she enjoys will bring her happiness and make her feel complete. This feeling of completeness will give her confidence.
#13 She helps others
She knows that we rise by lifting others. She is compassionate and caring and it brings her joy to see others do well. She sees others as inspiration rather than competition. A confident woman knows that if she gives a helping hand to someone, that someone might do the same for her one day.
#14 She uses her time consciously
A confident woman sees time as being precious and chooses how she spends her time wisely. She only shares it with people who truly deserve that time. She makes sure to make every moment count.
#15 She takes risks
She is not careless with her choices but does take calculated risks. She knows that if she does not take those opportunities and chances her life will plateau. She’ll get too comfortable, and this will close doors and hinder her growth.
#16 She does not look for validation
Her self-worth is internal rather than external. She does not depend on other people to make her feel good about herself. She values herself and that is most important. She does not give the power of her own confidence to factors that she has little control over. A confident woman understands that if she relies on those external factors to give her confidence, they can very easily be taken away from her.
#17 She does not compare herself to others
It is ok to admire qualities in other people that we may not have. A confident woman knows that, but she never compares herself to others. She never says, “I wish I was more like her !”. Instead, she says “Wow she is impressive, and I admire her, I can learn from her”. She knows she is also an asset, and she also has amazing qualities.
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Steps to become more confident
So now you are clear on what defines a confident woman, and you have a set goal to strive for so let’s get you there.
Remember that confidence is a skill…it’ll take time to master it. You may not be able to change everything in one and that’s ok. However, these habits that you build over time will last a lifetime.
Identify limiting thoughts and write them down
Whenever a negative thought or negative self-talk comes to mind write it down. Write down how it makes you feel and how much you believe in the thought.
Then challenge it!
Is it true?
Write any evidence for each of the thoughts and any evidence against them.
Having it written down on paper will let you more objectively realise that in many cases these thoughts are not true! That the evidence in the ‘against’ column is stronger than anything you’ve written down in the ‘for’ column. Write down an alternative though to your original one which is less negative and a lot more balanced. Read it out loud to yourself.
You can download the FREE Confidence Worksheet Printable I made to help guide you.
What would you say to a friend if you heard her saying this?
This is another good tactic to help you challenge your thoughts. When that vicious negative self-talk begins in your head try to catch it and ask yourself “if a friend of mine said to me that this is how she is feeling, what would I say to her? “. Most likely you would be compassionate and understanding and do everything to build her up. So why would you not do the same for yourself?
Be your own best friend and show yourself the same love and understanding and compassion.
Distance yourself from negative people
You cannot afford to have toxic people in your life when you are on a journey to becoming the badass woman that you truly are. Toxic people will hold you back. Not only will they make you doubt yourself and your progress, but they will also take up too much of your time and energy. They are not worth it.
Eventually, as your confidence grows you will get to that stage where things will go in one ear and out the other without having a chance to make a lasting impact on you. In the meantime, only surround yourself with people who are supportive.
Fake it till you make it
It is such a cliché, but it does actually work!
Try to imagine what the confident version of you would look like and act like. Then create that alter ego! Act the way you would if you were that version. It will feel unfamiliar and strange at the beginning but soon you will find your mind catches up! This does not mean becoming someone you are not! It is still you, but you are just allowing that confident version of you, that you have been suppressing, to surface. You are stepping into the best version of yourself.
You’ll soon notice the world around you responds to you differently because that kind of confident aura is captivating.
Show yourself some self-love
Apart from writing down all the negative thoughts, either write down 3 things that you like about yourself and 3 things that you achieved during the day. This will help you to see just how amazing you already are and how much you have to offer.
Get to know yourself
Because you are so worth knowing.
Think about what you like, what makes you happy, and what you want your life to look like. Then make changes to accommodate for these things. Spending time on things you love will make you feel more satisfied with life and make you feel more complete. When you feel complete your confidence and self-worth will shoot right up.
Don’t focus on external factors to define your confidence
I am a true believer that the best sort of confidence, is the type of confidence that comes from the inside. You need to first and foremost believe that you are an incredible and valuable human being. Because you are! If you focus on how people think of you or what you achieve in life or your success or the amount of money you have as your source of confidence, then you are giving too much power to external factors that you have little control over. Not everyone will always like you. You will sometimes fail. You might have money one day, but you could lose this the next. Do you see how quickly you could lose ground under your feet? But that internal faith you have in yourself – no one can take that away from you!
Know that no one is confident all the time
Trust me on this! This tip might not bring you confidence per se but it will make you see that you are not alone and feeling under-confident is more common than you think. Those who are confident had to fake it until they made it. Remember that confidence is a skill after all! All those confident people who seem calm and collected had to learn to do things while feeling uncomfortable. You can too!
Most people do not care
No one is looking. No one remembers. No one cares! We often think that the eyes of the whole world watch us when we do something silly or fail. But in reality – no one does. Even if they do, it is for a split second, and they quickly forget. Most people are so much more focused on themselves. So never let the fear of having an audience stop you from living your life to the fullest.
If you ever do come across someone who points a finger remember that only hurt people hurt people – so do not let these people get to you. Don’t internalise their criticism!
Stay true to who you are
Never compromise your values and what you stand for! Be clear on who you are and do not let any one shake that solid foundation. You won’t always please everyone and not everyone will like you but the one person who needs to like you, and respect you is yourself. Especially when you are on a journey to ultimate self-confidence.
Make a plan
For the week, for the month, for LIFE!
Get clear on what you want from life, form relationships, and from your work. Write it down and whenever you need to make a choice or make an important decision check to see if it aligns with that goal and that vision! If an opportunity comes up, run it against this goal. Do they align?
Learn to say no
It can be tricky and uncomfortable to do but it has to be done. Be true to yourself and never apologise for putting your needs first. If you are not up for something don’t force yourself. If something does not feel right have the power to say no and walk away.
Get the look
#1 Power pose:
This concept was introduced by Amy Cuddy and her Ted Talk. She did some research and found that when people did a power pose e.g., Wonder Woman Pose with hands placed on your hips and legs slightly apart, they actually became more confident. It fits with the whole idea of fake it until you make it. If you haven’t yet watched it I recommend it and if you want to learn more about it you can read Amy Cuddy’s book Presence where she discusses the reasons behind it and the research to support it.
#2 Stand tall
#3 Make eye contact
#4 Keep your body language open
#5 Smile
#6 Dress well
Perfect time to treat yourself to a shopping spree. Now I know I said that confidence should come from the inside. It is true but those external factors can also help you feel more confident. As long as you are doing it for yourself and not anybody else. Style is also an expression of who you are, and you want to let that be known.
#7 Self-care
Feeling like you look put together can be a confidence boost. In addition, pampering will also allow you to have some me-time. So go treat yourself to that haircut or get your nails done. Put on a hair mask and a facemask. Have an indulgent bubble bath. You will feel like a new woman!
#8 Don’t fidget
#9 Stay mindful of your facial expression
#10 Be mindful of how you project your voice.
On a final note
Now you know what defines a truly confident woman and you have some practical tips on how to tap into that confidence and build on it.
So go and start living your life to the fullest as the confidant woman I know you are!
Leave a comment to let us all know how you’ve transformed your life.
Natasza
xxx