How to get out of your own way and stop sabotaging yourself.
It is way too common to see that super beautiful, inside and out, ambitious and driven woman who just gets in the way of her own dream.
There will be plenty of things that can keep you back and away from your dreams. There are many things you cannot control but the one thing you absolutely can be in charge of is yourself. So, let’s make sure you are not spiraling into self-sabotage mode.
Let’s dive deep into how you can get out of your own way and follow through on building a life you love.
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Why do we get in our own way?
Everyone’s reason will be so individual to this. It will be such a mixture of past experiences, and the habits you might have developed. The people in your life from family, partners, and friends all have some sort of influence on us. The tips and mindset shift in this post will be a direct counterpart to many of the things that can lead a Boss Babe into self-sabotage
In many cases though, the very root is that limiting self-belief that somehow you are not worthy of what it is that you want. That it is not meant for you, and you are aiming too high…
SCRATCH THAT THOUGHT!
You are absolutely worthy and deserving of allowing yourself the chance to go after what you want and to see it come to fruition.
So let’s dive in and find out how to get out of your own way so that YOU can make all your goals and ambitions a reality.
You are absolutely worthy of everything you want!
How to get out of your own way and stop sabotaging yourself?
1. Develop patience
When you are going after something you really want – patience is one of the greatest skills or virtues you can have.
And not many people have that kind of patience.
Going after a dream or a vision or a goal is not an easy ride. It is a bumpy road, a long way, a marathon. Few people have the stomach to hold it through to the end and many give up along the way.
It takes mental resilience to keep working on something even when the results are uncertain. Keeping up momentum and motivation when it is not obvious if it will work if hard.
But this is exactly what is needed to see success. Otherwise, everyone would be doing it.
It takes a certain level of determination mixed in with a little naivety and a whole load of patience to see through the bumps in the road even when the destination is a long way ahead.
The people who make it are the ones that didn’t give in to the sabotaging thoughts. Who carried on believing and were so clear on what they wanted that they were willing to stay put and patient.
They didn’t let the throughs and the possibility of it not working, distract them.
2. Make the why stronger than anything else
When you are working towards something, especially when building a business, you will hit a wall from time to time. In those moments you have three choices:
STOP: Stop and give up because there clearly is nothing you can do. You got the end of the road. It’s over. But you’ve had a good run. Now it’s time to give up on all you’ve worked for and get back to the real world.
BREAK THROUGH: You can give in to the desperation and make some bad decisions, such as trying to break through the wall. However, trying to break through a wall will take a mental and physical toll on you and leave you with some serious scars. The rest of the journey will not be as enjoyable, and you will burn yourself out.
FIND A SOLUTION: The final choice you have is to step back for a moment and assess the situation. Remember why you started and remind yourself that the thing that you want is waiting for you on the other side of the wall. You start remembering the very reasons why you want to achieve these goals, and this allows you to get your creative cap on and start problem-solving. You begin to realise that there are many other options: you can climb the wall, you can dig underneath, or you can walk around it. The process will make you stronger and will allow you to become wiser, without burning you out.
There are probably better metaphors out there, but I hope that at least these paint the picture of why remembering your ‘WHY’ is so important.
It allows you to make well-thought-through decisions, that are not driven by emotion but by intuition and align with you.
Make your why stronger than anything else!
3. Confront that negative self-talk
Sometimes people really like to talk themselves down. A lot of time unnecessarily so.
From experience, the people who truly lack the confidence or talk themselves down the most, are usually the people that have the least reason for doing so. Their ability to be self-reflective is a virtue but it also can lead to a great deal of self-criticism.
On the other hand, the people who should consider their actions and behavior and humble down, often do that the least.
Just remember that the next time you find that inner voice being mean, critical, negative, or condescending.
CHALLENGE THAT INNER CRITIC!
Literally, when a negative thought pops into your head note down all the evidence you have to show that it is not true. It might seem silly at first but with time doing this will become second nature.
This simple exercise will help to keep things in perspective for you and help to ease the negative thoughts.
This will help you show up in the world more confidently as the best version of you. It will give you the empowerment you need to ensure you do not get in the way of YOU!
You might like my other post: 14 Signs you are your own worst critic.
4. Stop putting limits on the timeline
This is another common thing I see super ambitious Boss Babes do all but too frequently – they put timelines on things, usually based on someone else experience.
The problem with that is that everyone’s journey is so so different. So many tiny factors play together into making someone else’s success that it is impossible to fully replicate someone else’s experience.
Just because it took someone 6 months is no guarantee that it will take you the same. It could take you less or more.
These are the two sides of the same coin.
Firstly, you will get deeply bogged down by someone else’s specific timelines or time frames. When you see that someone else achieved what you want in 6 months, and you get to that 6-month mark with no results- you’ll give up. Yet, that success might have taken you only one month extra.
Secondly, by saying to yourself that ‘it will take 6 months’ you are possibly extending the timeline for when you see the results. Because it’s possible that if you said to yourself ‘it will take 3-moths’ you would have pushed harder and succeeded in 3 months.
Either way, you are sabotaging yourself. It’s good to make a plan and have something to work towards but don’t get so fixated on particular time milestones so much that it keeps you away from success.
5. Stop putting limits on your finances
Just as with putting limits on your timelines, it is very common to put limits on your finances.
Everyone has some sort of financial expectation and goals they would like to achieve in life. Just as everyone has certain money blocks they might have acquired. There could be many factors that come into play and shape the way you think about money.
But you can always change them.
So often I see people undervaluing themselves and their skills and time. Or saying to themselves that there is no way I could be earning 6-figures a year or 5-figures a month. That’s impossible.
Guess what – it is not impossible because there are so many people that do.
When you do place these limits on yourself, you subconsciously start acting in accordance with those thoughts.
In business, you might subconsciously spend less time marketing, or not spending as much time working towards these financial goals. Maybe you won’t send as many direct messages or email reminders to people. Because your subconscious mind will be telling you “What is the point”.
At work, you may not go after that promotion or apply for that higher-paying position.
Your conscious mind will come up with a good excuse to hide the fact that your subconscious financial blocks are sabotaging you!
So, stop writing stories for yourself that are not true and could be stopping you from reaching your highest goals.
6. Don’t compare yourself to anybody else
Definitely, guilty of overusing this quote but it is so freaking true…
“You cannot compare your chapter 1 to somebody else’s chapter 30”
Oh my, that hits so deep because it just perfectly paints the picture of how dangerous the comparison game can be. And how easily it can make us feel bad about ourselves and possibly even lead us to give up.
You can absolutely use other people as inspiration! That’s even healthy and encouraging because how else would you dream of what is possible and set goals for yourselves.
But when this inspiration turns into a negative spiral – it’s time to take a break and re-center.
You are exactly where you are supposed to be right now and everything that is meant for you will come your way. But you have to remain within the right energetic match for what it is that you want.
If you start comparing yourself and seeing your progress in a negative light, you won’t be able to do that. You will start making poor choices and the wrong decision for the phase of the journey you’re at. You’ll be in survival mode.
So the moment you start envying someone else’s progress, re-focus on yourself.
7. Never do anything which is not in alignment with you
Have you ever had to do something that you didn’t agree with? Possibly something that went against your morals or values. Do you remember that bitterness that you felt, knowing that it went against everything you stand for?
Most likely you were not your best self that day. Your mood was off, your energy was off. The people in your life probably noticed something was off…
That’s what happens when you do things that are not in alignment with you.
In business, especially when you are the face of it and you have to show up and represent your brand, that kind of misalignment is transparent.
People will pick up on it. If you do not believe in what you are selling or presenting, neither will your audience or customers. Because why would they…
No one is that good a salesperson. You might get past the radar of a few, but most people will pick up on a lack of authenticity.
One of the best things you can do to secure your success is to make sure that you believe in and love what you do or sell or produce! It will draw people in and with that your success.
LOVE WHAT YOU DO AND SUCCESS WILL FOLLOW!
8. Remember just because it is hard does not mean it is impossible
It is very easy to put limits on yourself when things seem challenging.
When we look at successful people and where they are right now, we jump to conclusion that they have some sort of magic ingredient that we simply lack.
But the truth is…there is nothing special about them. The magic ingredient is simply them continually working towards a goal and not giving up when things get hard.
If there is one person on the planet that has done something similar or the same thing that you want – that is your proof that it is very much within reach.
The things you want in your life and for yourself are worth going after. It will be difficult, because going after things we want often is but just allow yourself for a moment to imagine how it will feel when you get there.
9. Keep consistency a priority
Consistency truly is the key to success! But it takes that certain level of mental resilience to keep going when you have no way of knowing if the outcomes of all your work will result in success.
That’s scary! It is scary to think that the time you invested and the sacrifices you are having to make to build something or go after something you want may be for nothing.
Having these thoughts is completely normal.
But here is the secret!
If you keep going, put in the work, stay tuned and make the right adjustments, listen to feedback, and learn from mistakes – well there is NO REASON why IT SHOULD NOT WORK.
Every successful person will tell you that CONSISTENCY is the KEY! So, there must be something to it. They all went through a set of struggles, and doubts along the way but they persevered despite it.
Learning to push through those moments is what will separate you from those who never reach the summit!
You never know JUST HOW CLOSE YOU ARE!
If you want to know the ins and out of how to stay consistently consistent with your goals, have a read my post.
10. Remove any unnecessary pressure
Even a diamond can break under the right kind of pressure!
Pressure can come in many different forms and from many different angles. It could be your partner, family, friends, or co-workers. It could be coming from you or societal expectations of you!
It does not matter where it comes from, what is important is to find healthy ways to either minimise it or remove it altogether.
When you feel the pressure to do something or to succeed, that feeling can become too much so much that you stop perusing the thing. When you have eyes on you while you go along your journey or work towards your dream it can feel like you are suffocating.
It’s like you are exposed and the thought of failing and having witnesses becomes too much!
So how can you remove that feeling of pressure:
- If you trust the person and are sure they have your best interest in mind you can speak to them honestly about it.
- If you have big plans and dreams, I really recommend that you keep them a secret for as long as possible. You know that saying “keep your goals quiet and let success make the noise”? It has actually been proven that when you tell someone your plans you are actually less likely to fulfill them. The act of telling others and getting a pat on the back for going after it is enough of a reward that you are less likely to go after it.
- Get rid of any negative or toxic people in your life – especially frenemies.
- Be patient with yourself and try and enjoy the journey as much as the prospect of the destination.
11. Remove can’t from your vocabulary
I mean…just get rid of it…like for good!
As Marie Forleo puts it everything is “Figureoutable”!
On A Final Note.
Just one more quick run through all the points on how to get out of your own way.
- Develop patience
- Make they why stronger than anything else
- Confront that negative self-talk
- Stop putting limits on the timeline
- Stop putting limits on your finances
- Don’t compare yourself to anybody else
- Never do anything which is not in alignment with you
- Remember just because it is hard does not mean it is impossible
- Keep consistency a priority
- Remove any unnecessary pressure
- Remove can’t from your vocabulary