Having self-awareness is a crucial skill to have. Knowing when you are right and when you are wrong, recognising when you could improve on something you are doing can be the necessary ingredients needed for your long-term success. However, what happens when the inner voice simply becomes too critical? What if along the way you have become your own worst critic?
Being to critical of yourself is not the same as having self-awareness. Having an inner dialogue that is too critical can be counterproductive and paralysing. It can stop you from progressing forward and making the right decisions along the way. This is why it is essential to recognise that it might be happening so that you can reset your mindset and get back on a more balanced track.
Too often I see talented, smart, and highly successful women who are extremely critical of themselves, despite their list of successes that counteract any harsh views they hold of themselves. I have been one of them on numerous occasions. It can take a toll on your confidence and how you show up in the world. This is exactly what we want to avoid.
This is why I wanted to write this post so that you can recognise the signs that you are your worst critic. If you do find you recognise yourself in any of these signs, know that it is a sign you are way too critical of yourself and that the thoughts you hold are not a reflection of reality or how others perceive you.
I hope these help you make the necessary mindset shifts to quiet down that negative inner voice.
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Signs you are your own worst critic.
You have no self-motivation
Do you find it increasingly more difficult for you to get started on tasks despite knowing that you should be working on them? Has the motivation been in short supply lately?
If you answered yes, it could very well be because you are putting off a difficult task to avoid the uncomfortable feelings that come with these challenging tasks.
When you are in a state of mind which is very self-critical, any challenging tasks are difficult to perform. It is almost like you are avoiding the possibility of failure. With that, the motivation plummets.
Instead, when you shift your mind to a state where you are open to being imperfect to start and open to the possibility of self-growth, you are more likely to take on difficult tasks with a positive attitude.
You fear failure
People who are comfortable with themselves rarely see failure as a bad thing. Instead, they will view failure as a great opportunity to learn and improve for next time.
If you fear failure and find that it paralyses you or stops you from taking action, it might be a sign that you are too critical of yourself.
If you are self-critical; you may find that you avoid situations where you might not perform your best. Therefore, missing out on opportunities to improve and learn for the future.
Quieting that self-critical voice is vital to prevent you from missing out on amazing and possibly life-changing opportunities and lessons.
You doubt your abilities
Do you often find yourself doubting your abilities?
This is a clear sign that you may be too critical about your capabilities. When you find yourself doubting your abilities, rarely does this self-doubt actually reflect your true capabilities.
You are most likely far better than you think but some past experiences might have led you to believe you are not.
Spend a little bit of time doing some inside digging to find that core wound. Then, show yourself compassion, work through it and realise how this past experience might have shaped your outlook today. This will help you to form a more objective view of your capabilities and your true potential.
You are crippled with anxiety
If you find yourself crippled with anxiety, often ruminating on things. Do you experience that feeling of having a knot in your stomach? Well, it could be the symptoms of being overly critical about yourself. It is worth exploring this and finding out why. Most likely it has something to do with your perception of your self-worth.
Having low self-esteem often goes hand in hand with anxiety, because low self-esteem means you are operating from a place of survival. When you are in survival mode you will feel on edge. Working on your self-esteem will help you be less critical of yourself which will ultimately help you feel more grounded. Pooof goes the anxiety.
You want to be perfect at everything you do
Another symptom of having low self-esteem is that you often try to achieve perfection in everything that you do. In theory, we all know that that is not possible but in practice many of us high achievers are professional perfectionists. When your sense of self is on the lower side and when you do suffer from low self-esteem, perfectionism acts as a way for you to protect the remainder of your ego. In your mind, if you are perfect, you will feel good about yourself
But there is the dark side to that because when you do not achieve perfection in whatever it is that you do you will feel like crap! And as we all know, no one can be perfect all the time. So, your sense of self-worth relies on something very fragile which could crumble at any point.
Stop attaching your sense of self-worth to perfectionism by learning that it is ok to get things wrong sometimes and know that everyone does. The moment you find a way to feel secure despite any mishaps that happen you will be less critical of yourself, and your esteem will skyrocket.
You prefer staying in your comfort zone
People who are very hard on themselves often avoid stepping out of their comfort zone with the aim of avoiding anything that could lead further to their self-deprecation.
If you find you often pass on amazing opportunities because they are challenging, or you don’t know if you will succeed then you might be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone. By not stepping out of your comfort zone you are avoiding the possibility of failing and therefore protecting yourself from self-critical thoughts.
At the same time, you are left feeling an emptiness because deep down you know it was fear stopping you. By avoiding these situations, you are stopping yourself from building up the evidence that you CAN face the challenges and you ARE capable of dealing with them – all things that could help you build the confidence you need.
Try to break that cycle and begin building up that list of evidence that YOU CAN FACE anything life throws at you by stepping outside your comfort zone.
You set unrealistic goals
At times negative self-talk can make you feel like you have something to prove to the world. As a result, you may find you set increasingly unrealistic goals for yourself as a way to prove to yourself and others that you can do it.
However, living this way is exhausting. Your life will be filled with constant fear and anxiety. That’s not to say you shouldn’t do the difficult thing or step outside your comfort zone but you have to do it for the right reasons. The right reason it to grow and improve not to prove something.
That’s setting realistic goals.
You don’t dare to dream big
Being too critical of yourself can often hold you back in life. You may want to dream big and want to achieve those big unimaginable things for yourself, but at the same time your mind shuts down the thought the moment they come up.
“What is the point – it’s not like I can ever make it happen”
Does this sound familiar to you?
It might feel like not even trying is better than trying and failing. But at the same time. Either way, you end up in the same spot. Not having what you truly want.
Finding ways to quiet down the negative thoughts, can help you be bolder to go after the life you want. The moment you allow yourself to envision that whatever you want is possible for you, you begin to take the right action.
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You always assume the worst
The low self-worth that often leads to those self-critical thinking patterns you experience may lead you to have a very pessimistic outlook.
You have to think of every possible outcome and too often you assume the worst. About people, about your choices, and about your future.
The reason you go down this rabbit hole is that deep down you do not feel you are capable of achieving the outcome you want. The self-criticism you experience means you do not trust yourself to follow through on what you want.
Remember that none of this is true – it is your self-critical mindset talking but your thoughts are not a reflection of what you can achieve. Because you can achieve anything you set your mind on! You just have to stop those negative thoughts and work on that confidence so the smallest mishaps do not throw you off your path.
You can’t accept compliments
A true sign of confidence is being able to respond with a simple “Thank You” when someone pays you compliments. However, many of us struggle with it. We spin it around to say that it is because we are trying to be modest or humble but deep down it is more likely because we do not feel we are worthy of the praise.
If you struggle accepting compliments it could be because you are a bit too critical of yourself.
Remember that the person giving you a compliment does not have to pay you that compliment. They are doing it because they see something in you that they admire, even if you do not see it yourself. So, take it and don’t question the compliments. Question why do you have doubts about its worthiness?
You never celebrate your victories
If you are too self-critical, celebrating your victories might not come naturally to you. Firstly, critical self-talk makes you feel like whatever you achieve is not good enough. Secondly, you might feel that celebrating them could jinx them.
You should be proud of yourself, and you should celebrate everything you achieve in life. Even if it is temporary, even if it is the last major thing you achieve in life…you still did it and it is still worth acknowledging. Whether you enjoy these moments or not will have zero impact on what happens in the future.
Being able to celebrate yourself can help to boost your trust in yourself, build your self-love and skyrocket your confidence levels.
You compare yourself to others
Do you find you are always comparing yourself to others?
Comparison and self-criticism can lead to a vicious cycle dynamic. When you are critical of yourself you may be more inclined to compare yourself to others to seek validation or to find you need to step up. On the other hand, if you find you don’t quite match up, you may find that you being to be more self-critical. And the cycle continues.
The truth is, there will always be someone doing better than you and there will always be someone worse off than you. It is important not to let others’ successes blindsight you into thinking you do not measure up. Try to be inspired by them but don’t allow it to be a reflection of who you are. If you want to achieve what they have go after it but do it for yourself, not to one up anyone else.
You seek external validation
Does your whole sense of self rely on what others think of you?
When you are self-critical of yourself it means you cannot rely on yourself to get the confidence boost you need or to build your self-esteem. As a result, you start relying on other people and other external factors to determine your self-worth and to give you the pat on the back you need.
That is a very fragile source of your confidence because ultimately you are giving your power to other people to define your identity and your worth in the world. They can take it away as quickly as they give it to you.
The most robust source of confidence comes from within – work on yourself and get to a point where you can give yourself the source of confidence you need so that others’ opinions will not throw you off. Internal confidence is the only one you should rely on!
You don’t take risks
Taking risks takes courage. However, self-criticism can make it a difficult thing to do. The negative voice in your head may prevent you from taking them because you will always concentrate on the worst possible outcome.
However, taking that risk, taking the plunge, and doing the unthinkable can change your life. When we talk about taking risks, we are usually referring to things where the stakes are high. Yes, the losses along the way could be difficult but if it all works out imagine what that would mean for your life…
When you take the risk and things do not work out quite as you expected them, just know that the growth you will go through and the lessons you will learn won’t go to waste.
On a final note.
Here is a quick reminder of the signs that you might be too critical of yourself.
- You have no self-motivation
- You fear failure
- You doubt your abilities
- You are crippled with anxiety
- You want to be perfect at everything you do
- You prefer staying in your comfort zone
- You set unrealistic goals
- You don’t dare to dream big
- You always assume the worst
- You can’t accept compliments
- You never celebrate your victories
- You compare yourself to others
- You seek external validation
- You don’t take risks
If you find that you relate to any of these it might be worth exploring the reasons why. Operating from this self-critical state can be exhausting as you are navigating life from a place of anxiety, always in survival mode. It can take a toll on your life and until now you might not have realised just how much.
I hope these will serve as the encouragement you need to work on your sense of self and your confidence so that you can enjoy all the opportunities and amazing things life has waiting for you. Make the most of all life has to offer!