How to push through fear to get the life you want…
Let’s face it – fear can be paralysing! I think everyone can in some way relate to that. The more we want something, the bigger the stakes and the larger the dream, the more this nagging feeling, the knot in the stomach and negative voices seem to be present.
That’s when you come up with a thousand excuses why you shouldn’t do the thing you want the most. That’s when you start coming up with a thousand scenarios of how something terrible might happen if you try.
That’s when the self-limiting beliefs begin to hold you back.
People, every day are allowing excellent, life-changing opportunities to slip by because of this thing called FEAR.
I don’t think there is any worse feeling in the world than realising that you didn’t choose the life you are living – you settled for it because of FEAR.
Believe me that when people approach the end of life, they rarely regret the things they did and failed at. Most often they regret the things they didn’t do!
After reading this post I hope you can be one of the few making the conscious choice to push through fear to get the life they want.
Let’s make sure you can look back on your life with no regrets!
Before we get into the steps you can take to move past fear, let’s first dive into where this fear might be stemming from…
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WHERE DOES THIS FEAR COME FROM?
Fear is an emotion that is inherently engraved in us humans and every single person is capable of experiencing it. Fear is there to serve as a protective mechanism – by anticipating dangerous and possibly painful situations we can protect ourselves. In many cases, this fear is a good thing.
However, as you already know, in many cases it can be the thing that is stopping you from reaching your full potential.
So, what makes the distinction between the fear that is protective and the fear that is detrimental?
It takes some inner work – learning about yourself and being honest with yourself because deep down through your intuitive feelings you will know if you are protecting yourself or running away from opportunities because of your own self-beliefs.
The fear holding you back is usually mixed in with anxiety and stems from experiences that occurred earlier in your life that have in one way, or another shaken your esteem. It could be the fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being judged, or not being liked. Likely you have faced a situation where you have experienced this in the past or have been conditioned to believe that these things are wrong.
Now, the fear of repeating the same experience and having to live through the negative feelings makes you do everything you can to avoid any situation where you might be exposed to these negative feelings.
And with that, the avoidance cycle begins…
So what are some behaviour you might experience if you are operating from a place of fear?
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE OPERATING FROM A PLACE OF FEAR
- You are chasing perfectionism.
- You have trouble setting boundaries or feel guilty when you do.
- You find yourself procrastinating.
- You find yourself people-pleasing at the expense of your well-being or happiness.
- You never feel truly satisfied with your life.
- You have an excuse for every action or inaction in your life.
Fear can show up as procrastination, an excuse, a false perception we have about reality, or a limiting belief we have about others and ourselves.
“I’m too old for this” or “They will never hire someone like me” are great ways to make sure we will never do something.
If you recognise any of these in yourself then read on to find out how to push past fear to get the life you want.
HOW TO PUSH THROUGH FEAR AND GET THE LIFE YOU WANT
1. Determine where the fear is coming from.
The paralysing fear you are experiencing is likely to be a result of some trauma – major or minor- that you experienced earlier on in life.
It could be as simple as not getting the grade you wanted or needed and feeling crap about it, it could be that your friend abandoned you to play with someone else instead or it could be that the boy you like so very much rejected you.
These moments especially early on in life can show up later on, if we have not processed them at the time.
Think back to the times when you felt negative emotions. Tap into the inner child and show her the support she needed at the time but did not get. Show her the kindness and understanding she needed and fill her up with positive emotions.
If you struggle to visualise yourself this way, try pretending it is any child experiencing the same things you did. Most likely you shower her with compassion and support.
2. Make fear your friend.
We have already established that fear is an emotion that served to protect us from danger. That is a good thing because many times this fear is what stopped us from possibly getting into dangerous situations.
Fear can be your friend you just have to reframe how you respond to it.
When you start to feel on edge or uncertain and fear begins to creep up – take a moment to acknowledge this fear but try not to respond to it straight away. Fear kick starts our fight or flight response, so we are compelled to act straight away. However, in cases where our life is not in imminent danger, we do have a moment to consider our choice.
Listen to that fear and use that intuition to decide if this fear is holding you back or if this simply is not the right choice for you.
3. Address the self-limiting beliefs.
When we hold onto negative self-beliefs, it can easily cloud our judgment and perception of the world around us. Addressing any self-limiting beliefs at their very core is important as it will allow you to assess situations from a more objective point of view.
When you are faced with a challenging situation what is the first thought that comes to your head?
Is it something along the lines…
- “I bet I will fail”
- “I am not good enough to do this”
- “What if I make an idiot out of myself”
If this is something that sounds familiar to your experience, then to get over the fear you might have to dig deep inside and address the limiting self-beliefs.
How?
Challenging any negative self though that come into your mind by writing down the evidence for and against this thought. This exercise will help you analyses situations with a more objective viewpoint. You might even surprise yourself to find that there is very little evidence in the “for” column.
4. Stop with the excuses.
If you find yourself always having an explanation for not doing something and typically it is something external and not related to you – then it might just happen to be an excuse rather than a reason.
Excuses are how we try to justify to ourselves that we are making the right choice rather than avoiding the uncomfortable.
Excuses help to protect the Ego.
Next time you find yourself starting to jumble out all the reasons why this won’t work or it’s not the right time or any of the other million things you come up with – take a step back and make the excuse as just that an excuse.
“I know I say I am too old for this, but it is an excuse because, in fact, I am scared of failing”
It is tough but you will feel relief and now you have the information you need to tackle the true reason stepping you from going after what you want.
5. Develop a growth mindset.
What do we mean by a growth mindset?
It is the belief that skills and intelligence can be improved with effort and persistence. Those who have a growth mindset embrace challenges, stay resilient in the face of difficulties, learn from constructive criticism, and seek out inspiration in others’ success. They are never paralysed by these things and do not give up at the sight of the slightest setback of difficulty.
Whenever something does not go according to plan rather than seeing it as a negative thing try to list in your head or on paper all the ways you can benefit from this experience. Either now or in the future. With time and practice, this will happen automatically, and you feel not be filled with negative emotions when things go wrong. Instead, you will be fuelled to try again- this time with some hefty experience to help you improve.
6. Imagine what you might gain when you move past your fear.
When we are in the myopic bubble of fear, we often only focus on what we could lose. We get so wrapped up in the negative consequences that may or may not happen that we forget why we started or wanted this in the first place.
However, shifting the mind to focus on what you can gain can be a great motivator to help you push past fear.
When we are in a state of fear about an important diction of step we need to take – it is external factors that are holding us back such as fear of judgment or rejection or being laughed at… rarely is there an actual threat present.
Just remind yourself that if you do try and fail you might not get what you want but if you do not try at all then you will DEFINITELY not get what you want.
7. Visualise your success.
When we give in to the negative thoughts we hold about ourselves, we sometimes SUBCONCIOUSLY do things that sabotage our success.
The keyword here is subconscious.
So do not think “if I get it”
Visualise your success and think “when I get it”
Your mind believes what you feed it!
If you want to succeed, make that pessimistic subconscious mind of yours believe that you absolutely can by visualising your success.
You might surprise yourself as to how everything begins falling into place around you.
8. Develop an abundance mindset.
Having an abundance mindset means that you believe that there are enough resources in the world for everyone.
This is a powerful belief to hold because the feeling of scarcity of anything often makes us panic and pushes us into survival mode.
When you begin to believe that there is enough space and opportunities for everyone to achieve everything they want, it allows you to relax. It means you are not navigating through life with a sense of competition with others, comparing yourself to them but rather you can focus on yourself. This can help to ease any fear you may have about going after what you want.
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9. Know that failure is inevitable.
It may seem counterintuitive at first but knowing that sometimes you will fail, that things will not go according to plan or work out exactly how you wanted them to, can be extremely liberating.
You can begin to let go of trying to avoid failure and seeing it as a bad thing. Instead, you can begin to step into opportunities that scare you despite the fact that you know you might fail.
Everyone experiences disappointments and failures.
If you do not, then you are walking through life way too cautiously and most likely not living to your life’s full potential.
You can reframe your mind to see failure as a positive because you can learn so much from failure. It is a great opportunity to better yourself and go through the necessary personal growth. Although it might not seem like it at the moment, what you learn from this disappointment, might just be exactly what you need to help you achieve your dream later down the line….
Failure is the world’s best teacher – if you take the necessary lessons from it.
10. Take action.
Many times the fear is simply the fear of anticipation.
Do you remember as a child when you were so nervous about your first day at school? Yet, you got dressed and went in and by lunchtime, you had already made friends, had a ton of fun and didn’t want the day to end.
The fear of anticipation can sometimes be worse than the experience itself, which is why taking action, even just a small step is one of the best ways to push through the fear.
11. Stop letting others’ opinions control your life.
I bet for many people it is the fear of what other people will think that holds us back the most.
Now if you just take a moment to stop and think about that – seems silly now, right? – the fact that we would allow the opinions of others to hold us back from going after what we really want.
Stop giving so much power over your life to people who are most likely already below you.
The bottom line is that those people will judge you anyway – whatever you decide to do.
Because it is not about you – it is about them. They are unhappy and unfortunately, unhappy people often want to sabotage others so they can feel superior.
These people are not worth your dreams.
So take a bow and do your thing.
12. Keep track of your progress.
Keeping track of your progress serves as a simple reminder of how much you have already achieved and how much you have overcome despite your fears.
Keep a journal and write down all your achievement.
This helps you to see that you have in fact survived ALL of your hardest days and got through ALL of the difficulties you have faced.
There is no reason why you cannot do that again and again and again….
ON A FINAL NOTE.
Learning to push through fear is not easy and it will not happen overnight. But it is absolutely possible if you open your mind to the mindset shifts, tips, and hacks in this post. Give yourself the time to slowly implement these into your life and you will begin to see the transformation that happens.
Because you absolutely deserve to give yourself the life you want and there is nothing and no one, including yourself, that should get in the way of the!