The uncertainty you could say is a life’s guarantee and that is why knowing how to deal with uncertainty is one of life’s most important skills. There will always come times when there will be a level of uncertainty whether in the world or in your personal life…
If you do not have the right tools to help you deal with uncertainty, it can be paralysing, and it can have a negative impact on how you live your life.
I wanted to help you tap into any uncertainty you might be feeling, help you identify the triggers, and give you some simple tools that you can start using straight ways that will help you turn uncertainty into something positive and exciting.
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WHAT DOES UNCERTAINTY FEEL LIKE?
What is that feeling of uncertainty? How do we describe it? I think that’s the first most important question to ask.
The answer is difficult to generalise completely because everyone’s experience of uncertainty will be different, depending on the cause, your circumstances at the time, and your general mindset.
However, in a nutshell, I would describe uncertainty as that strange feeling of…
…in-between of what is comfortable and familiar to you and what is uncomfortable and unfamiliar. It’s that sense of nervousness about not knowing what lies ahead and the difficulty of deciding when you do not know what is next along the path…
…. physically it might give you butterflies, or that feeling of a knot in your stomach. It could make you excited and give you a rush of adrenaline…
…it could make you feel a sense of loss and sadness, as you leave your old self or your old life behind…
…it could feel like relief as you move to the next place you’re supposed to be.
WHY DO YOU FEEL UNCERTAIN?
The reasons behind this feeling are vast and so individual but this is the second most important thing to ask yourself because figuring this out will help you get to the root cause. Once you know why you can start to decide if that feeling is valid or not. If it is there to push you forward or protect you. It will help you turn that uncertainty into CERTAINTY!
Reasons why you feel uncertain?
Change is supposed to be uncomfortable
Any kind of change can be uncomfortable and that feeling is there as a protective measure.
Humans are creatures of habit and we like certainty. Whenever something shifts in our lives, that can signal a possible threat and our bodies respond by activating our stress response, so we are ready to go and fight or flight.
This feeling of uncertainty can be amplified even more when there are sudden and unexpected changes that occur.
You’re stepping outside your comfort zone
Uncertainty can also show up when you are doing something you have never done before. After all, how can you possibly know the outcome if you’ve never been down that path before?
But the fact that you are willing to explore that path only means you have the courage to move outside your comfort zone and that deserves some appreciation.
You don’t like not being in control
Uncertainty often means letting go of control over your life in one way or another. That’s not an easy thing and more so it is not something that comes instinctively to us as people.
No one likes not being in control of their circumstance but in uncertain situations, it can leave you feeling powerless.
Fear and anxiousness about what’s ahead
You have no way of knowing how the events will turn out and what is ahead and so it is natural that you will feel a degree of fear and anxiety creeping in. For some of us, these feelings might be stronger. This can be particularly true if you already suffer from some degree of anxiety and your mind tends to focus on the pessimistic side of things.
Lower tolerance to stressful situations
Those people that can just remain cool as ever in the most challenging of situations or even life-or-death situations – I bow to you. I am not one of them and I imagine the majority of people are not. Everyone’s tolerance levels are different, and I think the levels of tolerance lies on a scale. However, what we can take from those superhumans that stay cool as a cucumber in the face of danger or uncertainty is that it is possible to do. It takes some mindful changes. Remember that just because you do not know what is ahead, it does not mean that something bad will happen – it could be something amazing…
You’re holding onto other people’s expectations of you
When we live our life according to other people’s expectations of us, things can begin to feel uncertain. Mostly, because our deep unconscious is telling us that some things are not quite right. That we are not being true to ourselves so naturally your mind will begin to question your pathways and decision making…leading to uncertainty.
It’s not the right move for you
Overall, it might just be a protective mechanism telling you that it is not the right move. It is a skill to be able to tap into this and figure out if there is something to it. Is it truly because you are just scarred or are you so scared and uncertain because it does not fit with your true self?
It is a scary world out there
Let’s be honest – we live in some strange times. Wherever you look there are threats whether health threats, global threats, political threats, financial threats. The world is changing at an exponential rate, and this can bring on lots of uncertainty. Magnified by the fact that news and the access to the information we have mean we are constantly bombarded with information about the next threat…so if you feel uncertain, it’s not surprising. You’re only human after all.
HOW TO DEAL WITH UNCERTAINTY?
Sometimes uncertainty about something can be even more damaging to our wellbeing than knowing the outcome, even when the outcome is bad.
In one study, participants who were told that they had a 50% chance of receiving a painful electric shock felt far more anxious and agitated than participants who believed they were definitely going to receive the shock – MIND-BLOWING.
But you are not completely helpless, and you can deal with uncertainty, even in the most uncertain of times.
How? Let’s dive in….
#1 Know that it is normal to feel uncertain
First and foremost – be kind to yourself. That feeling of uncertainty is something everyone will experience at one point or another and it is there for a reason. It can make you objectively question things and even protect you from bad choices. So, you do not want to completely get rid of this feeling. You want to learn to control it, so it is not paralysing to you.
Don’t suppress the emotions, bottle things up, and put a brave face on. Completely suppressing the feeling will only create more stress and anxiety and it’s counterproductive. It solves nothing. #Let yourself feel the accompanying emotions and know that like all other emotions, they will eventually pass.
That is a darn good track record if you ask me 😉. So, whatever lies ahead you’ve got this.
#2 Challenge your need for certainty
Certainty about the next step, about someone, about a path or a choice we are about to make, can be beneficial. But it is not necessary, and it will not change the outcome of anything that will happen.
Remind yourself that whatever lies ahead there is no reason to think that it will be bad, just because you do not know what it will be. Everybody will go through challenging times, and everyone will go through amazing times. There is always some balance. At one point in time, you cannot predict what outcome will be because there are too many things beyond your control but keep the faith that overall, your life will be composed of both amazing times and difficult times. The difficult can also turn into the positive – opportunities arise from the unexpected and growth comes from the challenges. If you look at things from this perspective and accept it, it will help alleviate some of that stress and anxiety.
By challenging your need for certainty, you can begin to let go of negative behaviours, reduce stress and worry, and free up time and energy for more practical purposes.
#3 Focus on the present
The uncertainty stems from focusing on what lies ahead. If you begin to shift your focus to the present you can reduce the unpleasant feeling associated with uncertainty. Focusing too much on the future can completely prevent you from enjoying your life so stop letting fear control your life and learn to take things day by day.
To help you get back into the present try doing what I call the MINDFULNESS TRIO!
Journaling: get your thoughts out on paper, get rid of any worries, and put the anxiety to rest.
Meditation: stop any spiraling uncontrollable thoughts. It is a skill, and it takes practice. If meditation seems like too big of a leap, then try Box Breathing!
Gratitude: Write down things you are grateful for in your life. It will help to begin to shift your mind to a more positive state and help you appreciate that whatever lies ahead you already have a lot to be happy about.
#4 Turn fear into excitement
Whenever you begin to feel that anxiety sneak its way in say to yourself – this is not anxiety or fear, but rather excitement. Think to yourself “oh I am feeling excited about this”. It might seem silly but remember that you get butterflies in your stomach both when you are scarred and when you’re excited about something. Trick your mind into thinking it is the latter and turn uncertainty into a possibly and exciting adventure. It works I promise!
#5 Watch the thoughts you feed your mind
A lot of uncertainty is self-generated through excessive worrying or a pessimistic outlook, which is why things like mindfulness and mindset shifts can work so powerfully – because they take you out of that spiral.
Your mind can sometimes get into default patterns of thinking. Over time the pathways in your brain, corresponding to these patterns of thinking will be strengthened. Next time a similar situation arises, your brain will follow that pathway of thinking by default.
The good news is – your brain has plasticity, and you can create new more positive pathways by practicing positive self-talk or positive affirmations. Over time you can begin to strengthen these new pathways so that they become the new default state.
So feed your body positive though and positive self-talk. Speak nicely to yourself and whenever a negative thought comes to mind challenge it and stop it in its track and turn it into a positive one.
Be your own best friend and give yourself the reassurance you need!
#6 Let go of other people’s expectations
Living your life according to the expectations of others of society’s ‘norms’ can bring about feelings of uncertainty.
Sometimes you may feel certain that a certain path or decision is the right one for you but outside expectations begin to filter in and you make the choice that does not align fully with you but aligns with others. The feeling of uncertainty will begin to show up.
Letting go of others’ expectations of you, whether family or society will help you make the right choice for yourself. You have one life, and you should absolutely feel encouraged to live it the way you want to. Everyone has their own idea about what is right for them, but it does not mean you have to adopt the same values and needs.
Claim this and start living like your true self – with every decision and choice you will have more certainty about your pathway.
#7 Allow yourself to dream big
Think of all the best possible things that can come out of a situation. You have no way of knowing what lies ahead but it could be wonderful…
Imagine all the amazing things that could happen along the way, all the things that you might gain. Think as big as possible and tap into your biggest desires. Free from any limitations.
This uncertainty could just be the beginning of something amazing.
#8 Decide what you can control
In any situation, you are never completely powerless. As mentioned above a lot of uncertainty stems from this lack of feeling like you have control and that is a scary position to be in.
Rather than worrying about the future or possible outcomes start thinking about what you can control, however small. This will help to switch your brain from thinking mode into action mode and the moment you think of tangible ways to take back some control, you can start taking action.
Taking action will help to ease your mind.
#9 Do some self-care
Spending some time on self-care will help you relax. In moments of uncertainty, self-care tends to go out the window but at those times it is even more important so try to incorporate the following into your daily life:
Move your body:
Get exercising to help reduce stress and get through endorphins flowing. You will be a different person and your outlook will be so much more positive.
Do something relaxing:
Whatever that is for you, whether seeing friends, driving to the countryside, going for a walk, getting your hair done, going cinema or going out for a meal…
Get plenty of sleep:
Your outlook on life will be a whole lot different after a good night’s sleep. I think we have all experienced the effects of a bad night’s sleep. Everything is filtered through a darker and more negative lens when we are sleep-deprived. Make sleep your priority and find rituals that will help you sleep deeply at night. Check out my posts on sleep here.
Eat healthily and fuel your body:
Food is fuel. Kind of like a car, if you do not put fuel in it will not work, and if you put too much of the bad stuff in it will not work efficiently. The same goes for your body so make sure to eat plenty of nutrient-dense foods, avoiding unhealthy food choices. This will help you keep your energy up, feel calmer and happier.
Pamper yourself:
If you haven’t yet read my post on how to have a pamper spa-like day at home check it out here. Taking some time out for yourself and making yourself even more beautiful can-do wonder for your general wellbeing and confidence helping you face the world straight on!
#10 Seek support from those you trust
You do not want to look for someone to rescue you, that’s a big ask. It can also be counterproductive for you because you’re diverting responsibility onto someone else. But sharing your feelings with someone you trust can be helpful. It’s always such a relief just vocalising what you feel and most of the time you will feel more understood and less alone because at one point or another everyone experiences uncertainty and the emotions associated with it.
#11 Know that uncertainty can mean personal growth
Uncertainty can mean that you took a leap of faith on a particular decision, or you stepped outside that comfort zone – that’s amazing and you should be so proud of that!
That is a huge sign of personal growth and trust that it will serve you for a lifetime.
If you did not consciously decide to step into the unknown but simply found yourself in a less than certain situation then remember that any challenge you face will help you grow. You can gain so much from these experiences it can be difficult to remember that when you’re in the midst of the storm. But trust that one day you will look back on many of the challenges you went through and be glad at all that they have taught you.
#12 Ask yourself these simple questions
On occasion uncertainty can be confused with a bad gut feeling about something or someone – yes sometimes that feeling of uncertainty about a choice can be a protective mechanism signaling to you
“Hey, are you sure about this?”
I think if you follow the steps above and you still feel this nagging feeling of uncertainty and that something is not right it is time to ask yourself the questions:
- Is this choice-making me happy?
- Will it give me what I need?
- If there were no limits, would I still be making this choice?
- What would make me feel safe?
- Do I have people in my life who love me?
- What would make it better?
On a final note
I wanted to leave you with this quote from the one and only Tony Robbins because it perfectly captures everything discussed in this blog post.
If you take away anything from this blog post, I hope it is that uncertainty is an inevitable part of the human experience – it will always find a way to sneak in, that you cannot control. You can, however, control how you respond to it, and you can make uncertainty the most exciting opportunity or give into it feel paralysed by it.
Which will you choose?